Thomas’s blog

I'm not sure anyone reads this but I'm posting anyway. It's a good way of keeping track of milestones.

My Brother died at the end of February. I was there the day before, but I'm not sure how much he actually knew while I was there. I believe there was one brief moment when he saw me. Perhaps in his twilight he knew I was there.

I came home, heavy hearted, and found the youngest of our cats died while we were away.

I lost it a bit and had a hard time finding the way out. I was mad, like all the time mad. The guy I'm working with is a great listener and he knows how to challenge me. I found my out, and discovered a way of dealing with all sorts of crap I'd been putting off addressing for the past decade or so.

I'm now in a size 38 pant. I still have my 44's on hand, and even wear them once in a while to remind myself not to give in and down a box or two of Ding-Dong's or Cherry Cheese danishes. I'm more than likely down 100 pounds in two years. I don't know for sure as I refuse to own a scale. I need another few pant sizes to go down before I completely celebrate, but I've learned to relish in the short term goals instead of just dismissing them out-of-hand.

I've had a lot of loss, but it helped me gain much, much more. I'm very fortunate, and happy overall.

But isn;t that how the hero is supposed to turn out in the best stories? :D

Who or what do you really love?

Love is such a bad word. The greeks had it right when they separated love into different types, but we're bundled it all up into one, all encompassing word. Fine, here's what I love:

• Culvers Frozen Custard. Eggnog when it's available, Chocolate Malt made with Chocolate Custard, Chocolate Sauce and extra Malt.
• My wife. Romantically, physically, emotionally: She's still my girl no matter. Aggrivating, but loved. :D
• My friends IRL and online. Telepresence is still presence. A phone call is a hug is a kiss is a friend.
• The world. We're killing each other like the barbarians we are in our genes, yet trying to find ways to help each other too. We're bipolar, but we keep getting better. There is hope in the mess somewhere, like how a messy room gets messier right before it starts to return to order. Granted, THIS mess is a fire hazard and we need to get it cleaned fast.
• My cats. These balls of fluff and purr show me that animals, "devoid of emotion" to the experts, can love as fiercely as biological children. It also shows me that experts are more full of crap than a Christmas Goose.

I'm so full of love I could continue until the cows come home (5:45pm according to itinerary I was emailed), but I'll leave it at cats.

Ever have one of those days for a few months?

My guild in WoW made me leader. I'm responsible for the happiness of 55+ people. No pressure, right? So when I'm accused of misconduct and someone leaves, I shouldn't take it as a personal attack... At least that's what I'm told.

My parents died, and now the elder statesman of the family is falling to the big C too. 5 months... maybe... The Rock Star like figure with the sharpest wit I worshipped now doesn't remember what day it is... or names...

I know I've "made it" and I don't really have to worry about a crutch in case things go bad for me. I'm self sufficient, motivated and able. I'm also scared shitless as my means of emergency-emergency support are systematically taken away. Does the keystone in an arc worry that if it fails, it'll let the other stones down?

Then my nephew gets his face smashed in and his spleen ruptured from a t-boned car accident.

Hello, God? Cut it out. Thanks.

In 5 words or less, who are you? 
Submitted by dejablu503.

The best, and last, hope.

I play World of Warcraft. I'm leet. I'm uber leet. I'm 1337.

I'm only that good because of the Guild I am/was in.

What's a Guild? Well, in the game, it's a collective of players who group together to take on bigger and bigger monsters and other challenges that a single player would have no hope to overcome.

Unfortunately, the group I was in was corrupted for the inside. One of the most blatantly offensive members of the group was the real life husband of the Guild leader. After proudly and loudly commandeering his wife's account to kick out members of the collective (the only one with power to do so), the Guild leader still refused to even say a stern word towards the man.

Real life relationship or not, some things cannot be tolerated in any group where adherence to the rules is necessary for cohesive collaboration.

So the key people in the Guild left and formed a new group. I was one of the charter members of this new group.

Still, I can't help but feel bad for my previous leader. She worked very hard and, in the end, she chose to disband what remained instead of recruiting new members.

So today, I'm feeling guilty and sad. It's a Monda, though, and a gloomy one at that. I pick good days for my moods.

Anyone else in a mood for grapes? Ice-cold white grapes.

Mmm... Yeah. Grapes sound mighty yummy.

What? You were expecting a post with more substance... um... OK...

Does anyone really take Michael Moore seriously anymore? The man is a mockery of himself lately, letting his own Psyche delve deeper and deeper into self destructive paranoia. I didn't like him before and, after he was exposed as a fraudulent, fact-altering, effeminate successopath, I care for him even less. Let him angrily lisp somewhere else where, like Jesse Jackson, there's always a camera, just not where I'm forced to look at him.

No, I think GW is a moron mouthpiece for the Bible Thumping Fundamentalists, I just dislike Moore intensely.

No, Moore is not a hero. He made things worse for Flint, MI than he improved with his mockumentary.

Yes, I do think Moore and Morgan Spurlock should be forced to fight to the death. I doubt they would get around to fighting, what with them fellating each other from all the liberal love going on.

No, I don't think being a knee-jerk liberal is a good thing at all.

No, I don't think being a cold-hearted capitalist is a good thing at all.

I think if you polarize yourself, you're a f---ing joke: A stereotypical, unthinking automoton bent on forwarding a belief system without regard of it's real effects on the world. I don't believe in anything, but I have some pretty good ideas.

Where do you go to get away from it all?
Submitted by Hops.  

Interesting question, I guess it depends on what "it" I'm getting away form in the first place. I doubt anyone can claim there is one single, all encompassing "it". Today's "it" maybe work, tomorrow's "it" may be your relationship, the next day's "it" may not even be formed yet, but merely lurks in the shadows waiting to pounce like a cat... and a cat could be exactly "it" as well.

From the drudgery of day-to-day life? I hide in the World of Warcraft.

From the memories of an awkward past? I hide in gregarious and extroverted banter.

From my own inner insecurities? No place to hide. Not even the great Stewart Smalley of SNL fame could convince me some days that I'm good enough, smart enough or, dog-gone it, people like me. Luckily those times are few and far between. I know I gotz mad skeelz.

Today, as nice a day as "it" is, I want to hide someplace near the Canadian Border where there is a firepit, a stack of cord wood, a cold lake and a bunch of towels. Throw some brats, chips and beverages, and I'll invite everyone. Bring some Parrot Bay, pineapple juice, ice and "forget" your two piece bathing suit. Heh... I'd only invote YOU.

Sorry for the absence. After Mom's passing, I had to really get my life into perspective. While I'm still a work in progress, I thopught it would be a good time to get everyone up to speed on how I'm doing.

I'm good. Great even. Not fan-fricking-tastic, but good.

I've lost 70 pounds. Yeah, it sounds like a lot, but when your BMI shows you need to lose another 30-40, it puts it all in perspective. The good news is that I'm fitting back into the suit I had made for me on my 21st birthday, back when I really was God's Gift to Women.

I'm uber l33t in Word of Warcraft. I'm a level 70 Gnome Warlock currently questing with my guild in Karazhan. For the uninitiated: I'm at the top of my game in an area of the game that requires 10 people, all at the top of their game, to group together. The point of it? To get the rewards for those people at the top of their game.

The wife now plays WoW together. She's getting to be a high level herself, and we started alternate characters together. That way she's not just relying on my big character to carry her through the hard parts.

We have a new 3 season porch we're loving, loving, loving and we're getting a new 1 1/2 stall garage.

I can't think of much else, besides sappy, weepy crap about how this Mother's Day hit me like a ninja kick to the nuts, but I think every holiday or special event will... and not just the first year after her death. It may be a bit late, but tell your Mom how much she means to you. Do it now. I didn't as often as I should and, because I had already sheduled a visit, I missed out by two weeks. I missed out telling my Dad by one week.under similar circumstances. God, in whatever format he exists in, has a sick fucking sense of irony. Maybe it's a lesson in telling people you love how much you appreciate them being in your life. Maybe it's a punishment for some commandment violated. Maybe it's a random event that has nothing to do with a diety, but a unfortunate coincidence. Whatever it is, learn from my mistake.

Ooh... I got all preachy: I must be getting back to "normal"...

Do you listen to podcasts?  Are there any you'd recommend? 
Inspired by Alex.

No, I hate podcasts for the pod part: iPods are populace pacification devices. They're small, fragile, and will be as useless as Furbies in the near future.

What is your earliest memory? 
Submitted by Megan.

Taking a bath in the big stainless steel kitchen sink in the house my family grew up in. It was literally big enough to bathe a baby in with no garbage disposal, thankfully! I remember it being high enough to see the world from the adults' points of view while being safe, warm and clean. It was a sad day when I was too big for the kitchen sink. I still wash my hair in the sink at my house once in a while just to recapture the magic.