3 posts tagged “death”

I'm not sure anyone reads this but I'm posting anyway. It's a good way of keeping track of milestones.

My Brother died at the end of February. I was there the day before, but I'm not sure how much he actually knew while I was there. I believe there was one brief moment when he saw me. Perhaps in his twilight he knew I was there.

I came home, heavy hearted, and found the youngest of our cats died while we were away.

I lost it a bit and had a hard time finding the way out. I was mad, like all the time mad. The guy I'm working with is a great listener and he knows how to challenge me. I found my out, and discovered a way of dealing with all sorts of crap I'd been putting off addressing for the past decade or so.

I'm now in a size 38 pant. I still have my 44's on hand, and even wear them once in a while to remind myself not to give in and down a box or two of Ding-Dong's or Cherry Cheese danishes. I'm more than likely down 100 pounds in two years. I don't know for sure as I refuse to own a scale. I need another few pant sizes to go down before I completely celebrate, but I've learned to relish in the short term goals instead of just dismissing them out-of-hand.

I've had a lot of loss, but it helped me gain much, much more. I'm very fortunate, and happy overall.

But isn;t that how the hero is supposed to turn out in the best stories? :D

Ever have one of those days for a few months?

My guild in WoW made me leader. I'm responsible for the happiness of 55+ people. No pressure, right? So when I'm accused of misconduct and someone leaves, I shouldn't take it as a personal attack... At least that's what I'm told.

My parents died, and now the elder statesman of the family is falling to the big C too. 5 months... maybe... The Rock Star like figure with the sharpest wit I worshipped now doesn't remember what day it is... or names...

I know I've "made it" and I don't really have to worry about a crutch in case things go bad for me. I'm self sufficient, motivated and able. I'm also scared shitless as my means of emergency-emergency support are systematically taken away. Does the keystone in an arc worry that if it fails, it'll let the other stones down?

Then my nephew gets his face smashed in and his spleen ruptured from a t-boned car accident.

Hello, God? Cut it out. Thanks.

Mom fell victim to a secondary infection that shut down her lungs and heart. My sister was with her during Mom's last few moments, exactly a day before I was supposed to be there. Mom died exactly two weeks after lapsing into a coma. She was in-urned a week after that. I was fortunate enough to place her ashes into the vault next to my Father's.

The past is gone. Only shreds of it remain with my siblings. My fond memories and childhood have been ripped from this plane and now are black and white, archival records of time long ago that can never, ever be relished in again without melancholy.

For those of you with living parents: Call them today for no other reason than to hear them. Visit them if possible. Pour through old photos with them and have the descriptions of each written on the back. Treat them extra kindly as their mortal coil may be sloughed all too soon.

My Mom's was.

Now I'm an orphan. Annie made it seem all so much more glamorous.