2 posts tagged “life”

Sorry for the absence. After Mom's passing, I had to really get my life into perspective. While I'm still a work in progress, I thopught it would be a good time to get everyone up to speed on how I'm doing.

I'm good. Great even. Not fan-fricking-tastic, but good.

I've lost 70 pounds. Yeah, it sounds like a lot, but when your BMI shows you need to lose another 30-40, it puts it all in perspective. The good news is that I'm fitting back into the suit I had made for me on my 21st birthday, back when I really was God's Gift to Women.

I'm uber l33t in Word of Warcraft. I'm a level 70 Gnome Warlock currently questing with my guild in Karazhan. For the uninitiated: I'm at the top of my game in an area of the game that requires 10 people, all at the top of their game, to group together. The point of it? To get the rewards for those people at the top of their game.

The wife now plays WoW together. She's getting to be a high level herself, and we started alternate characters together. That way she's not just relying on my big character to carry her through the hard parts.

We have a new 3 season porch we're loving, loving, loving and we're getting a new 1 1/2 stall garage.

I can't think of much else, besides sappy, weepy crap about how this Mother's Day hit me like a ninja kick to the nuts, but I think every holiday or special event will... and not just the first year after her death. It may be a bit late, but tell your Mom how much she means to you. Do it now. I didn't as often as I should and, because I had already sheduled a visit, I missed out by two weeks. I missed out telling my Dad by one week.under similar circumstances. God, in whatever format he exists in, has a sick fucking sense of irony. Maybe it's a lesson in telling people you love how much you appreciate them being in your life. Maybe it's a punishment for some commandment violated. Maybe it's a random event that has nothing to do with a diety, but a unfortunate coincidence. Whatever it is, learn from my mistake.

Ooh... I got all preachy: I must be getting back to "normal"...

My Mother died Friday. Not all at once, mind you, which is funny saying "mind." See, my Mother's heart stopped. Just stopped. No attack, no infarction: It just stopped. Something about potassium levels being low and all, but the end result was that she had no fresh oxygen to her brain for anywhere from 5 to 15 minutes. She lapsed into a coma.

I didn't find out until Sunday. I was 4 hours North of my hometown closer to Canada than my own bed when I got the call. Within hours, I was here in Florida. She is as expected, listless, unresponsive to all but the most basic request: Blink. Even that seems autonomic. So here she is, my Mother, lying in a bed unable to express her thoughts or feelings. We know from the EEG that there's something going on in her head. We know it's working, but some swelling is keeping her from telling us that. Some part of her head isn't right. She has a living will, and that will states that if she remains this way with no hope of recovery, then yank all the tubes and let her go completely. She never wanted to be a child of twilight and half-lived existence. She wanted to suck the marrow of the bones of life unapologetically, to which she did. But now her life is in the balance. And I'm pulling her towards the living, but never keeping an eye off of what she wants too. Fortunately that choice, selfless or selfish, is not mine. It's my elder brother, the statesman of the family since my Father's passing 2 1/2 years ago.

Even so, I fear she's already died in mind, her body unwilling to slip into the endless night. I hope I'm wrong, but I must prepare for the worst. I must be ready to be an orphan and lose my last connection to where I'm from. My siblings were always mentors, their advanced ages making it nigh on impossible to seek any form of solace in them. My wife has been tarried by matters beyond her control. I stand alone. But I still have Mom, or at least the mortal coil being sustained by machines and the will of others, for the time being. But how do you seek comfort from someone when you're mourning their loss. A modern paradox created by a pair of Docs.

Those of you who followed me from unadvertised links in my signature applied elsewhere: You know who cares about me and my life. Please tell all you know that Thomas is the one needing support. Pray if that's your thing, send vibes my way too. "It's all good," as the kids say. I just need some power, and I think it'd be impossible to leave any to spare.

But all of you: Turn to your loved ones tonight. Call them all or hug them if you can. Life is a stage, and the players parts are over far too soon and out of our control. Don't let them leave without letting them know that they played well.

They played well.